I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
