She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
