I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
