I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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