So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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