he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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