you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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