I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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