I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
