We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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