i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
