too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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