Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
