she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Quick, to the slutcave!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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