Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
