summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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