Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
