I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
