My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
