made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
