i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.