why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.