So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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