I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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