he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
