I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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