Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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