I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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