There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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