im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize