I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
