laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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