whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
