Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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