Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
