What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
