I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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