I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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