i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
