Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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