I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
