i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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