Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
