and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
