i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
