o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
