From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
