I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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