I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
