hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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