I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
