hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
