At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
