just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
