i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
