well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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