I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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