im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
