accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
