I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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