In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
