I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
