i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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