Please, let me fuck your mom
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
