Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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