Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
