fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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