All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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