well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
