You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
