I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
