I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
