The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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