does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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