if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
