You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
