I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
