I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
