I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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