What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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