DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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