Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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