Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
