Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
