So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
