YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
