You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
