does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
